Glimmers

It’s our tenth Father’s Day without you and I’m missing you today as though we lost you just yesterday. There’s forever a hole in our hearts that could only be filled by you, Mark. I certainly knew a day would come that I’d yearn for your wisdom and guidance. Your knack for connecting with people of all ages and backgrounds was truly special, but you had a particular gift of relating to teenagers. The day has come that, at times, I feel lost without you when parenting our teens. When difficult decisions arise, I often wonder “What would Mark do?” and “What would Mark say?” I long for you to be here to help me with these parenting challenges but I also desperately wish you were here to soak up the remarkable moments when our children are brightly shining their lights into the world. So much of their light comes from you and I just wish you were here to see it.

I know how truly blessed I am to have found another true love to share my life with. While David has not and will not ever replace you, he is a remarkable man who treats me like a queen and loves our children like his own. I think you’d be proud of the life we’ve created together and I know you’d be happy about the example he provides for our children of love, respect, integrity, and devotion.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from loving and losing you, it’s that there’s always room for more love in your heart if you’re willing to let it in. My love for you and my love for David can and do coexist in the same way that joy can commingle with pain and that happiness is not simply the absence of sadness. I’ve learned that living a brave and beautiful life means embracing both triumphs and tragedies with gratitude and just doing your best to keep moving forward, allowing yourself to feel it all, while focusing energy on the good stuff, one day at a time.

I recently learned about a term called a “glimmer” which is the opposite of a trigger. Glimmers are any moments in your day that bring you joy, happiness, peace, gratitude or love. The more you look for them, the more you see them and the less triggers you’ll encounter too, because we tend to see and feel what we actively seek.

I’m so grateful, Mark, for glimmers of you. Today, I’m choosing gratitude, for the twelve years that I spent with you by my side and also for the fact that I’m remarkably blessed to have experienced true love twice. It’s been almost ten years without you on this earth, but I’ll forever continue sharing your light with the world and trying to make you proud. I love you forever and carry your heart in mine eternally.